[ [ crash back ] ]

'at & T' - pavement

going back to england is always weird for me. it brings up lots of thoughts, memories & emotions that i didn't really know i was carrying around. i wrote about all that before i went....all the confusion of where 'home' is.

and then it all happens again once i get back here. have been feeling really odd this week (& last)
of course, a lot of it is probably jet-lag related. i always find that a good dose of jet lag puts a weird haze onto the world & the people in it.
but, yeah, been feeling odd.
i can't really explain in simple terms, because i don't know exactly myself what i am feeling.
but i'll try...
i feel (yeah, let's put those feeling words to good use....)
...disjointed
...adrift
...fuzzy
...unconnected

but here's the weird thing....i also feel
...safe
...home
...content

it's a very strange place right now.
also had a very scary thought this morning.
i thought to myself that it was maybe time to leave japan. that scared the pants of me...16 years here. i think/thought/have thought/had thought it is home...

then a second thought swiftly followed:

WHERE THE HELL WOULD I GO?