30 September, 2008

Consumptive Diaries Part 23: Dazed & Tired

Went to the hospital this morning to see how my body has reacted to the combination of TB meds & liver pills.

And the news is not good.
From around 120 last time, my liver number has jumped to 228.
(The number is the ALP number - for some really exciting medical information about ALP tests, look here)

As a result, i am officially off TB medication. The doctor wants to see if my liver will go back to normal. So, I'll go back in 3 weeks, and then he'll discuss other ways (if any) of treating the TB bacteria.

And how do i feel about this?
Shocked - i really wasn't expecting my liver to get worse; especially as I've been trying to take better care of myself.
Scared - I don't know what's going to happen next; is my liver OK? Will there be another way of treating the TB or do i have to carry it around with me forever?
Disheartened - there doesn't seem to an end in sight for this saga; thought that the end of January would be the end of everything. F**K knows when it is going to end.
Angry - WHY ME?
Tired - I am so tired of all this.
Overwhelmed - All i want to do today is go home, curl up in a ball & pull the blankets over my head and cry.

Today is not a good day.

23 September, 2008

Consumptive Diaries Part 22: Teetotal Tedium

I stopped drinking 11 days ago; since my scare at the hospital.
It's not been as difficult as i anticipated, but then again, i've been lying low - no bars or nights out.

I would love to say how much better i feel; how i feel more awake; how much more `wholesome' i feel.
But if i am to be completely honest, i don't feel any different. i'm still constantly tired & lacking energy. I still have a wall of extreme tiredness that i crash into at 11pm every night. I still need more sleep than usual - 7 hours isn't enough for me now.

I will (begrudgingly) admit that the lower back pain i had (which may or may not be related to my liver) has mostly gone. And i definitely don't miss being hungover.
But i miss having a nice glass of wine or a cold beer after a long day at work. Having a soda water or a fruit juice just isn't the same.

Ah, well, only four more months to go........

12 September, 2008

Consumptive Diaries Part 21: Hospital Date Day

The German and me had our hospital date today - think i mentioned before that we both had appointments this morning.

I am not going to go into all the waiting & bureaucratic crap, because I've written endlessly about it; and nothing much changes. It's long, boring & annoying.

Instead, I have some good news and bad news:

The Good News:
K is finally free of TB. He has officially been declared a '0'.
4 months of hell, hospital & home arrest are over! Yippee!!

The Bad News:
My liver isn't very happy.
Last month my liver numbers were around 30. This month, 123.
If the number reaches 200, i will have to stop taking the TB medication and potential have liver damage.
Am not exactly sure what those numbers mean or are, but it scared the crap out of me.
So, i am now on liver medication as well as my TB meds.

Kiddies, TB sure isn't fun.

08 September, 2008

Naughty Nights & Smiles

Last Friday, K and planned to have a 'date night' out in Tokyo. I chose Odaiba, because K has never been there and there's a shed load of stuff to do - movie, dinner, bar, beach, game centre, shopping...and so on.
While at work on Friday, i decided to make it a special night, and booked a room at the Nikko hotel in Odaiba. Not only that, i decided to get a room with a view (that's Rainbow Bridge):

Then we decided that a champagne breakfast was a good idea:

And it was. Only thing was that we were drunk by lunchtime; which made for an interesting trip to the Toyota mega web.

The German was in car heaven. And wandering round there with him was like taking a little boy round...'Helen, can i have a look at the Toyota again? Please?' We ended up going back to the car above 3 times...
The funniest thing was watching K look at the cars. Obviously (to me anyway) at some point in his life, K's mum had told him that to look at things he didn't need his hands; so every time K went for a close up look at the cars, he put his hands behind his back so he didn't touch the cars.
(see above photo...)
It was cute watching him & made me giggle most of the day...

But, it was a great day. I really recommend staying at a hotel in the town where you live.
K & i felt great after our special night at the Nikko. So much so that we hope to it again before he leaves...

03 September, 2008

Must Watch TV

Am going to write a completely non-TB related entry today.
Am bored of TB; am bored of how it infests my daily life; just want everything to be over with.
And that's all for TB today...

As you may or may not know, i am a complete TV addict. And not ashamed by it. TV is my healthy form of escapism & i love watching police dramas (e.g. CSI, Without a Trace, Cold Case); trashy teen dramas (e.g. The OC, One Tree Hill); animal dramas (e.g. Monkey Business, NY animal protection squad).
And that's just for starters.

But that's not what i want to recommend.
For a while History Channel have been showing 'The World at War', a documentary about WWII.
Narrated by Laurence Olivier, it was originally broadcast in 1974 and was completely ground breaking for its time. For me, the most impressive thing is the people they interviewed - holocaust survivors, regular soldiers (from all armies); high ranking government officials, high ranking German military personnel and ordinary people in the street. It's sad to think that most of them are not around any more.

It's been really interesting watching it with K and talking about it. Both of us have grown up with it in our families. Both of us have had grandparents directly affected by it.
But our grandparents were on opposite sides. I've never really thought about how the Germans were affected by it and it's been really interesting & sometimes challenging listening to the 'other side'.

This week was an episode on Auschwitz. That was hard. And the footage? Heart-breaking.
I just cannot understand how anyone could have justified what happened or stand up and say that it didn't even happen.
I remember, about 20 years ago, visiting Auschwitz. Remember the silence. Remember people crying. Remember my grandmother crying. Remember her telling me about her uncles & aunts & cousins who were exterminated there.

We cannot forget.