17 April, 2009

Eye Update

Thank you everyone for your thoughts & words. Was nice to know people were out there.
Would have been nicer if people were actually here, but i guess that's the life i have chosen.

Anyway...this is what my face looks like now. A LOT better. Don't know what was up with the lighting when i took this photo, but my forehead isn't grey. Am glad that the cut under my eye has healed relatively nicely. And I'm going to have a cool boxing scar above my eye....makes me look 'ard!

Went to the hospital yesterday to check on the healing process. Doctor measured my eye, to make sure it isn't sunken or swollen (it doesn't seem to be) and asked me how I'm doing. Told him that I am basically OK, but I have a low level of constant pain, with occasional twangs of sharp pain. He checked that i has been taking my medicine (i had) & checked again. And then asked me again. Think he thinks I'm either a) stupid or b) a drug whore.

I know i am neither. I may have a low threshold for pain; then again i have fractured a bone IN MY HEAD!

Anyway, the doctor begrudgingly gave me a prescription for 5 doses of pain killers. My next visit is in 3 weeks. 21 days. I have 5 doses. FIVE. That's some big time rationing I'm going to have to do. He also explained that these pain killers are so strong that i have to take stomach medicine with them. But then i went to the pharmacy, and the pharmacist told me that i could take up to 4 doses a day. Can't be that bloody strong then. And that means i could take my whole supply in 30 hours. But I've got to make it last TWENTY ONE DAYS.

Hmm....did i mention that already? Maybe i am a drug crazed whore after all...

Otherwise, the doctor didn't really say much. Seems that a bone takes about 1 month to heal itself, so i have a while to go. Also i am still banned from blowing my nose. Never thought i would be jealous of people who can honk into their tissue, but i am now. Every time i hear the sound of snot being expelled, I have a pang of jealousy. How screwed is that?!
Also have to exercise my eyes. I'm having a bit of trouble looking up & focusing both eyes together.

So, i have a question for you:

As i mentioned before, i have a pretty much constant level of pain. It is bearable and i can function, but it's making me tired. The pain is feels like a mixture of sinus pain & eye strain, with random sharp twinges that REALLY hurt.
So, how can i reduce the pain without painkillers? I don't really feel the need to become addicted to pain killers, lose my job, home & boyfriend and then have to go into rehab for 6 months or live life on the streets...

Can anyone recommend techniques or herbal remedies? Any ideas would be much appreciated...thank you ;)

(Alcohol doesn't count as a herbal remedy)

10 April, 2009

Broken Face

Just when you think things are back on track, something comes along & upsets your world in ways you had never imagined.
I've been having one of those weeks.

Went to Hanami on Sunday to see off Chris & Yuiko. Was a lovely afternoon/evening.
But then...
Somehow, with the combination of beer, sleeplessness (aka jet lag from hell) & a lack of appetite (aka jet lag from hell), i managed to fall & hit my face.
Not only do i not clearly remember how i did it, i don't remember where i did. I have, however, narrowed things down a bit:
1. I got home safely, took my shoes & earrings off and hung my keys up
2. There was no dirt in any of the cuts
3. I found blood drops on the toilet mat
4. I had no dirt or cuts anywhere else on my body - just a couple of bruises
So, this is what i think happened...
I came home OK. I went to the toilet, but felt really sleepy & just dropped there, hitting my face on the toilet. Crashed there for a bit, woke up & then crawled to bed.

(In a side note: when i am really really tired, i have a tendency to completely pass out. Personally, i don't notice because i'm out, but K has told me that i have fallen asleep mid-sentence & he can't wake me up. I've also been known to sleep through earthquakes, alarm clocks & loud music. Not sure whether i should be concerned about this....)

Woke up in the morning with a the face below:

Well, actually, it wasn't quite like that. This is after i went to the local doctor to check it out.
Didn't have any concussion symptoms, so wasn't too worried. Was more concerned about the nasty cuts & whether they would need stitches (they don't).
So all was OK. Just looked a mess, but i can handle that.

Then yesterday, things took a turn for the worse.
Have allergies at the moment, so have a really runny nose. Gava e my nose a good blow yesterday & felt something really weird. It felt like my face was inflating.
It was:

This REALLY scared the crap out of me. Can you imagine????

So, i immediately went back to the local doctor. He (and the nurses...yup, i am a freak) had a good look & referred me to the local hospital.
Spent hours & hours waiting there - but i will not go into that, or the complete tosser of a doctor who thought that because i couldn't speak japanese properly (bear in mind i was stressed, freaked out & he was using medical words which i don't normally use) he would would shout IN MY FACE. Grrr....

After lots of tests (CT & x-ray) and prodding, it was declared that i have a 'blowout fracture'. Did you even know what one is? Neither did i. But i do now.
Scary shit.
Went back to hosipital today to check whether my eye is OK. And it's good news there. Looks like my eye isn't damaged, so eveything should be able to heal naturally. Am going back to the hospital next week to see how it's healing up. Keep your fingers crossed....

In the mean time, i am under strict instructions not to blow my nose.
But i don't think i want to.

08 April, 2009


Has it been a month already? Guess so.

And why haven’t I written? A combination of nothing & everything happening simultaneously. Know that doesn’t make much sense, but let me explain.

The nothingness is the regularity of working life; not necessarily a bad thing because it means stability & peace. And on that side of things, life has been pretty calm. Been working, living, seeing friends – the regular.

The everythingness has been on the relationship side of things. Long distance relationships are the creation of the devil. I can full on say that I HATE them and I hate being in one. I hate time differences; I hate the distance; I hate being able to only use words. ‘Hate’ seems such an inadequate word; detest, loathe or abhor might better express how I feel about long distance relationships.

In the last month or more, things haven’t been going well. The only problem was that neither of us knew what was wrong, or what was happening or why things weren’t working. It was like the distance of time & space had made a huge wall between us & I couldn’t penetrate it. The more distance I felt, the needier & more emotional I got. The needier & more emotional I got, the larger the distance.

In mid-March, I was beginning to feel like my world was collapsing around me. I know that sounds dramatic (bear in mind I was a bit of an emotional wreck at the time), but if K & me couldn’t make it, then I wouldn’t be moving to Germany. The future I had envisioned had started to crumble.

We tried talking, but nothing seemed to work. We couldn’t gulf the distance.

I didn’t make things any easier on myself by not talking to anyone about things. But who would I talk to? I didn’t want to inflict this on other people. Looking back, I should have reached out, because I really was starting to lose the plot. I wasn’t sleeping properly, I cried a lot, I lost confidence & I was starting to turn into a basket case. Complete over-reaction, and even while I was in that state, I was ashamed of myself.

So, I kept things to myself & tried to envelope myself in the nothingness.

Anyway, we decided that the only way to bridge this was to see each other.

So I went to Germany. I am so happy I did. K & I found each other again.

Also, I, bizarrely, found Germany. I mentioned a while back that I wasn’t particularly excited about Germany. But on this trip I got excited about Germany. I have no concrete reason why – maybe it was because spring had sprung & I have forgotten how joyful that it in Europe. Maybe it was just spending more time in Stuttgart with K. Have no idea, but I have come back to Japan feeling WAY more optimistic about the future.

Even more strangely, coming back to Japan this time, I wasn’t excited about being here. In fact I didn’t want to be here. And now too. I want to be in Germany. I am ready to move on.

OK – now must find myself a job…