15 November, 2005

seasons come & people go

'all i want is you' - U2


usually i love this time of year - my favourite season.
to me autumn is a the beginning of the end of the year, and the beginning of the holiday season - christmas, new year, my birthday...

it's also the beginning of the good 'snuggle season'...lying in bed under the duvet, all toasty and warm.
and for the last few years, i've been happily snuggled up with the ex-boy.
now, i just have my bear.

so, yes, i am feeling a bit lonely (understatement)

i really don't like being single. no one to keep me warm & safe.

04 November, 2005

to flirt or not to flirt

'dare' - the wedding present

this single girl thing is not easy, you know.
after being with someone for 6 years, it's really weird being on my own again.

a lot of the pain has gone - and though i feel sad that it ended, i know it was for the right reasons. we couldn't find a way forward & agreed together that we should end our relationship.

but, we are trying to be friends - not easy to change pace, but at least we care enough about each other to try.

so, that part of my life is kind of sorted out...or maybe just boxed away for a while.

now, my new dilemma is the whole flirting thing.
i realised today what's different now.... it's not that i have recently discovered flirting - i LOVE flirting...
no, what i've discovered is that flirting is different when i'm in a relationship & when i'm not.
when i was still a girlfriend, i enjoyed flirting, but didn't really read anything into it.

it was safe - i knew nothing would come of it, and i didn't want anything to come of it.

now though, i don't have my safety net (aka boyfriend) anymore. i'm finding myself wondering more about whether it means anything more, or whether i should be doing it or not.
and you know what, while i still enjoy flirting, some of the enjoyment has gone because i worry more now.

guess i need to chill more and NOT think about things.
have to confess that i have one boy that i am greatly enjoying a flirtfest with.... very sexy young man...and lovely to be around...as 2 of my good friends say - 'don't expect too much, and you'll never be disappointed'

so i really must stop reading more into it all and just go with the flow....
maybe something will happen, maybe it won't - but in the meantime, i'm going to keep on flirting.