19 April, 2007

>< random tirade ><

'mornington crescent' - belle & sebastian

in the (near) words of jimi, 'excuse me, while i rant & rave'....

i am tired. i am so VERY *fucking* tired.
i feel like i am a giant hamster on a giant treadmill, and just when i feel like i am finally running at the speed of the wheel, somebody ups the speed. and i have to run even frigging faster.
and, at the moment, it doesn't seem like ti's going to stop.

somebody said to me this morning that golden week is soon.
and i hadn't even realised. i am just trying to get through the week; make it to the weekend; survive the weekend; then survive another week.
one week at a time.

so, why?
(cue dramatic self-horn blowing)
well, one of the reasons is that i'm good at what i do. now, usually, when you're good at something, you get rewarded. and, yeah, i have been rewarded in the usual ways.
but there's a a big downside to being good - people expect more & more from you.
right now, there's not enough staff so i am having to cover others.
but i still have my own work.
so i am working double. and so i am tired & worn out.

see? i can't even construct logical sentences anymore....and i feel a simmering bubble of rage welling up inside of me. tiredness & me are not a good pairing - i just get grumpy & angry. then it turns into self-rejection & doubt. then i cry.
and i am trying bloody hard to stave off all this negativity. but i'm *so* fucking tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what would be my ideal thing to help me through this difficult time?
someone to give a big cuddle, tell me they love me, and convince me that i am strong enough to get through these 2 weeks.

yeah, that's gonna happen.

03 April, 2007

Rainy Morning with Smile

'make me smile' – the wedding present

warning: cheesy story alert

Had a very nice morning commute today. Usually, i commute in on auto-pilot with all the other robotic auto-piloting hordes. (luckily, i start work at 10, so it's not as horde-y as it could be...)

Anyway, this morning started out as normal, with me rushing road madly simultaneously trying to get dressed, put on make-up & inhale coffee.
Made it to the bus stop, got on, turned up my i-pod & gazed out the window.

All to plan – and i was on time too! Woohoo!

Then, at the next stop, a little girl & her mum got on the bus. Little girl sat in front of me, and proceeded to draw pictures in the condensation. It was totally fascinating. Was intrigued by her strange design – was it a fish? A person? A monster?

Then she noticed the foreigner (me) sitting behind her.
Usually this is the point where kids freak out, but no. she started pointing at her picture, then smiling at me.
Then she launched into conversation...she wanted to know where i was from, what was my name, where i was going & what pre-schools were like in england. After that, she told me about how she had travelled to England, America & China. But she'd gone there on her own, because her mum doesn't like travelling... she also told me that she was 5 years old, 6 in October.

Fascinating girl...friendly, full of fantasy & dreams & not afraid.

She made my day.

02 April, 2007

Yokohama Jugband Festival 2007

'your feet's too big' - mooney & his lucky rhythm

like music?
live in/around tokyo?
want an interesting day out?

well, come along to the 6th annual yokohama jugband festival...
it's a great day, with great musicians from all over japan - and all playing jugband style music.

there's not much info out there in english (there is in japanese though...), but i'll try to get the basics down here.

Date: Saturday 21st April

Time: 13:00 ~

Place: There are 2 main places for the Jugband Festival: Joinus Park & Movil Building
Joinus Park is located on the roof of the Sotetsu Joinus Building, which is located out of the west exit of Yokohama station.
Movil Building is about a 5~10 minute walk from the west exit of Yokohama station.

The event in Joinus Park (13:00~ ) is free. I recommend taking some bubbles & a 6-pack of beer...
At the Movil Building, there are actually 3 places with bands playing (all on 3rd Floor)
・ El Sueno (エルスウェーニョ) (14:00~ ) which is free, but you have to buy one drink
・ Sotetsu Honda Gekijou (
相鉄本多劇場) (14:00 ~ )
Thumbs Up (15:00 ~ ) There's one ticket for the last 2, which is ¥2,500, but you can wander in and out as you please (as long as you don't lose you ticket!!)

so, if you want to do something a little different, come along. i'll be there!
(like that's a sales point.......)