Long distance relationships are weird.
I have never been in one before, and i must say that they aren't the greatest way of having a relationship (unsurprisingly).
The German and i are managing to keep in touch pretty much everyday via email & phone, so i don't feel too far way from him.
Of course i miss him - especially as we were living together & now there's big empty German-shaped space in my flat. But i know I'm going to see him soon.
I do, however, feel in limbo. I have mentally made the commitment to move to Germany next year. I have been telling people that i 'plan' to move to Germany. But i haven't graduated to saying i 'will' yet. And that leaves me with a feeling of limbo-ness.
Physically I'm still here. Mentally I'm moving.
So why don't i just say it? Why don't i just shout out 'I'M MOVING TO GERMANY!!!!!'?
But i have a few lame reasons why:
1. I don't know when i will move; i want to get my TB treatment over and done with first
2. I'm scared that if i tell everyone, then it won't happen (and end up looking like a fool)
3. It scares me shitless to move to country where a) i have never lived, and b) i don't speak the language
4. It scares me that i am about to make a huge leap of faith, and leave behind a country that has been my home for 17 years (yes, that is right...seventeen)
Hmmm....looking at my lame list, it appears i may be a tad scared about the move...
Well, let me put it here in a big shout:
I AM MOVING TO GERMANY NEXT YEAR.
I AM GOING TO MAKE A HUGE LEAP OF FAITH TO FOLLOW THE GERMAN HALF WAY ROUND THE WORLD.
AND I AM GOING TO MAKE DAMN SURE IT ALL WORKS OUT AND WE LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
(PS My TB meds are still working fine, in case you were wondering)