26 May, 2008

Consumptive Diaries Part 4: The Test

Wrote this while i was at the hospital this morning:


Arrive at the hospital. Explain I want a TB test.

The receptionist looks at me strangely;

"A what?"

"A TB Test"


I pull out my official letter from the public health office.

"Oh! A TB TEST! OK, please fill out this form"

(Don't you just love the power of a bureaucratic piece of paper?)


Sent up to internal medicine. I'm prepared for a long wait.

Ever noticed how there are noclocks in hospitals? It's like time doesn't exist here. A kind of time vacuum. Kind of reminds of that scene in Beetlejuice...the part where he gets his head shrunk.


I need to pee, but I don't want to miss my turn. What to do?


Just got called to go down to x-ray. Good thing I didn't go pee.


Have had my chest x-ray. That was quick! Now back up to internal medicine again...


Because of the lack of privacy, I can hear EVERYTHING the woman in with the doctor is saying. And by god is she telling him everything. Haven't heard the doctor say anything. 10 minute monologue on every bowel movement, illness, ache, pain, worry, meal or whatever for the last 50 years (or so it seems).


OOOh...the doctor's trying to shut her up...NO. Unsuccessful...she's off again...sounds like one of those universal old ladies whose highlight of the week is the doctor visit. Please be quiet...


Spent 5 minutes with the doctor. Said my lungs areきれい (clean? Beautiful?) Also said I don't need to worry. But I will have a phlegm test too. Apparently it's the rule/law...


Am out of the hospital! Have a little bottle for me to cough into & take back to the hospital. Have you ever tried to cough up crap when you have a cough? Or any crap? Guess I'll have to smoke a pack of Marlboro reds tonight...

But the results so far are good. But I will wait for the phlegm test before I completely celebrate. Only thing is that it takes 4-6 weeks because that's how long it takes to cultivate TB bacteria...ew...

SEE! I told you I wasn't toxic!!!

1 comment:

j-ster said...

4-6 weeks to cultivate TB bacteria??? Surely thats about how long it takes to cultivate TB bacteria internally? They could save themselves the trouble and just ask you to come back in 6 weeks and have another look then....?

But thats not really what i wanted to say. What i wanted to say was I know you arent toxic either, nor are you infectious, contagious or sick. And I hope your boy is not getting too bored! Big hugs and snogs!