Meltdown Madness

I thought things were too good to be true - everything was going along smoothly.

I managed to organise a moving company to take my stuff to France, a company to move some stuff to my friends' and another company to take all the left overs away.
That's Wednesday (international moving), Thursday (domestic stuff), Friday (everything else)

Wednesday is tomorrow. I thought i would be ready for it.
Yesterday, i got home & had a complete meltdown. A combination of stress & extreme panic.
Those who know me really well know that i'm really not good in extreme situations. And this is extreme - i'm moving home & changing jobs. I'm also leaving the life i've known for 12 years (plus 6 more before that).
And the biggest thing is that i have SO MUCH STUFF. And everything costs SO MUCH MONEY.

I have been trying to whittle down my stuff & get it down to 2 cubic metres, but i don't really know how big that is. I will find out tomorrow though...
I have thrown away SO much stuff. I'm giving a way a lot too. But there seems to be SO MUCH left over. And it is completely overwhelming me; i have constant stomach cramps, i'm not sleeping properly, and i'm prone to bursting into random floods of tears.

The logical part of me is whispering in my ear, 'Just wait. 4 more days & it'll be all done'.
And i know that.
I'm also glad that my meltdown & panic is just the whole moving thing. I'm not suddenly having regrets and i'm REALLY looking forward to moving to Germany & starting my new life with The German. (Although, i have realised that once i'm in Germany, i won't be able to call him 'The German' because everyone will be German. Guess he'll be upgraded to 'My German'...)

ANYWAY - I know things will be OK. I just need to get through to Friday, then i can relax.
Just wanted to vent here; problem shared, a problem halved, and all that.

And on a final little note: thanks you everyone who made the trek out to Tsunashima for my sayonara party on 21st. Was really lovely to see you all & be surrounded by such happy faces. And i'm sorry if i passed out before you left & didn't say goodbye...the perils of Jaegermeister, eh? =)

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

The clock is really beginning to tick really loudly. NO! Not that clock – the countdown to Germany clock!

Had my 'official' goodbye party on Sunday. Was a lovely afternoon/evening.
Well, from the bits & pieces i remember, it was lovely.
If i feel asleep before you left, i am *so* sorry. Didn't mean for that to happen, but people kept dousing me with Jaegermeister. And i couldn't say no to that, could i?
Good news was that i didn't wake up with any broken bones...

Things are rapidly approaching. Two weeks today will mark the first day of German life. Or the first day of my new life. Whatever you want to call it.

And things look very exciting. Way beyond my imagination - in the last week there have been some VERY exciting developments. Things i really didn't anticipate. But WOW! Let me explain...

The opportunity has arisen for K to take a few months out from his company (Gotta love the economic meltdown...) So, after a flurry of phone calls & emails, we decided that this would be too good an opportunity to miss; i don't have a job yet, we don't have a flat yet, K won't have this chance again. Or, as K so delicately put it, "when i retire at 67, you'll be 74. And you'll be too old to travel".

To cut a long story short, K and me are going travelling.
Where? No idea. But we'll have few months & we can take our time.
Does anyone have any suggestions? So far our only suggestions have been golden sands, sunshine, palm trees & cheap beer....

Yup, the future is looking damn exciting.

Month of Lasts

Mount Fuji from the Shinkansen; May 2009

The stress has suddenly sneaked up on me & smacked me round the head with a resounded, 'thunk'.
Knew it was too good to be true. Still, things could be WAY worse. There isn't too much to stress me out - main two things are time & money.
Luckily, Daddy Sin & The German have both been very supportive - Thank You! Both of you - even though i have completely sacrificed my feminist values by getting the men in my life to help me out.
Then again, i never had any feminist values to begin with...unless it got me a free beer :)

ANYWAY - before i degenerate into some stress induced rant...

Things ARE coming together.
Have my main sayonara party planned: Sunday 21st June @ Blue Corn

(where else? And if you're reading this & i haven't invited you, consider yourself invited; from 3pm)

Know my last day of work: Tuesday 30th June
Have fixed a date to move out of my flat: Friday 3rd July
Have planned my last weekend: Kurihama with M&S
Have fixed a date to leave: Monday 6th July
Have decided on a moving company: Nippon Express

And how am i feeling about it all? My overwhelming feeling is that of excitement. I am really looking forward to starting my new life.
The second feeling is 'I wish this would be over'. Moving is stressful and now i know why i haven't done it for 12 years. The funny thing is, it's not stressing me in the way expected. I was expecting to be stressed by the amount of crap i have managed to accumulate.
Actually what is stressing me more is all the logistics & bureaucracy of it all. It just all takes time & energy. And when you're working full-time AND doing it all on your own, it is hard.
BUT it is definitely do-able. And once i've done it, it'll be over.
And i'll be able to be proud of myself for doing it. So There.

The third feeling is the melancholic/nostalgic feelings. Japan has been part of my life for SO long now. More than half my life in fact; came here in August 1991 when i was 17. You do the maths.
Have been staving off the melancholy/nostaligia; but every so often it creeps up on me.
Keep having moments of 'Oh, this is probably my last _____'
So far my list of lasts includes:
Last ride on a shinkansen
Last view of Mount Fuji (see above)
Last Yukata
Last business trip & Izu
Last Mooney night @ Blue Corn
Last class in Japan
And the list keeps growing...

Funny thing is, i've missed some Lasts. Didn't realise they were my Lasts until later (eg the view of Fuji). So now everyday, I keep thinking 'This could be my last time' & enjoy & savour it even more because of that..

Tell you something though, beer tastes SO much better when you think it could be your last one.
Yeah, i know damn well it isn't, but HEY...got to take advantage of this moving thing...

June? ALREADY??????

Time is whipping by at a crazy pace; but here i am plodding along at the same old speed & am not even that stressed out by everything.
Admittedly, i do have little freak outs - "F$$K! I'm leaving next month!" - but that's about as far as it goes. Not sure if i am going to have a delayed freak out, or it's going to jump up on me while i'm not looking, but at the moment I feel positive, calm & forward looking.

I think the main reason for feeling this way have been the events of the last week or so.
2 weeks ago, K's dad passed away. Not a complete surprise, but still painful & sad none the less.
For me, i wish i could have known Wolfgang more & really wish i had learnt some German so i could have spoken with him directly.
On the other hand, i am grateful that i did have the chance to meet him, drink beers with him & see him smile. He was a lovely man & will be greatly missed by lots of people.

K asked me to go over to Germany for the funeral, so i did. Wasn't the easiest of trips, but it showed me 2 things:
1. Moving to Germany is by FAR the best thing i can do with my life
2. Life is short & i really shouldn't get myself stressed out with the small stuff. Life is definitely for living.

So, yeah, packing? Moving? Learning German? Finding a job? Pah! That's nothing.
The most important thing is moving forward, enjoying life & making sure K & i smile everyday.




(am sure i am going to regret writing this post when i have my pre-move meltdown!!!!)