21 July, 2008

Consumptive Diaries Part 15: Life plods on

Despite everything that's been happening, life is still moving on.
I would like to have thought that things would be on pause, and wait for me for a while.
But no.
So, things are continuing on. I still have to go to work.
I still have to think about the future & where/when I'm going with the German.
I still have to say goodbye to friends.

I don't mean to say that i am unhappy with things how they are - i am not.
I am unbelievably happy that K is back. It's so much better seeing him at home everyday & not having to go to the f-ing hospital-prison. It's great that we can out together; hang out with friends; be silly again.
In that respect, life IS back to normal.

But i can't seem to stop thinking about the TB test results.
Everyday, i come home & look for the envelope with my results.
It still hasn't arrived yet.

I also keep thinking about the future. I'm scared about everything.
And this is the really fucked up thing about everything - on one side i am *so* bloody happy.
And then the other side i am completely scared shitless.
It's a really bizarre combination of emotions - two complete extremes. And they seem to be ruling my life - i feel like i am being slightly manic at times; up & down like a fricking yo yo.
Luckily, K has been a complete and utter star & is handling my rampant mood swings very well & with infinite patience.

Thank you, K. Love you, German

And yeah, 2 more weeks of Sandi. Actually it's less than two weeks - but i am trying to ignore the fact. Just want to enjoy as much Sandi-time as i can before she goes.
Love you too, Sandi

1 comment:

Sandi said...

Love you, too, sweetie. You're a star yourself.