08 August, 2005

looking backwards & forwards

disintegration' - the cure

decided something i can do for my blog, to make it a tad more interesting...
everyday a new picture & a new song....with the song showing where i am today.

yeah - today's not a good day...hence the cure.

was riding back home on the train today & was having huge retrospectives on my life here.

passed the station i first lived at - way back in high school.
lots of memories there.
that got me thinking about all the people i have known here. then i started thinking about the people i know now.

some are going to leave soon, and that's sad.
but i know we will keep in touch - even if it is sporadically. and then there's the people who are still here, and will be for long time - like me, i think (can't see myself leaving for some reason - why? but that's a whole other bowl of worms for some other day)

and then i started taking a closer look at my life.

not a good thing to do on a monday, but it's something that i have been doing a lot of in the last few weeks.
some big changes need to be made in my world, and i am not sure whether i am strong enough to make them - or if i even want to make them.
but the one thing i know is that things can't remain as they have been....and that's scary thing.

i guess i am kind of lazy with life - i kind of let things happen, instead of make them happen. don't know whether that's a bad thing or not - but that's how i have got to where i am now.

but right now, i can't. i need to make that move.

i know i am being really vague about things, but it's really hard to vocalise everything. can't seem to find the words to explain things to myself let alone anyone else.


arumanda said...

hm. puzzling for me to read that. must be even more puzzling inside your head little missy.
i see things are quite retrospective for you at the moment, and that's a good thing. we need to look back a little, before we have the strength and breath to move on. as long as we don't get stuck in the past ey?

it'll figure itself out, whatever 'it' is. it always does. and no matter how spacey you say you are, you're still one of the most together and wise people i know. so i have every faith in your spaciness miss cadet.

j-ster said...

Well, there's always beer! And friends, where ever they may be...

Indigorayz said...