'girl afraid' - the smiths
be warned - this is not the happiest post in the world...
things in my world seem to get tougher & tougher & dealing with everything just seems so hard at times.
by 'things', i just mean everyday life. and the more i feel like this, the more pathetic i feel.
i mean, if you look at my life from the outside, things don't look that bad. in fact, i guess they would look pretty good.
but for me, on the inside of my life, i feel like crap.
why? in a word - loneliness.
i feel so damn alone.
i am constantly working, and i do enjoy it. and at the weekends, i have lovely friends who i can relax with & enjoy my free time.
so, yeah, it's not all bad.
but there are those days when you don't want to go out, and you just want top mooch all day.
those are the crap days.
those are the days when i no one calls, and the highlight of my day is talking to the staff in 7-11.
yes, i could pick up the phone. but what would i say? 'hey, i'm feeling really pathetic & lonely. will you be my friend?'
no, i am not going to say that.
and besides, the whole point of a mooch day is to stay home & mooch.
so, i bear my mooch days.
what else can i do? it's just making me really tired, and lately i've started crying for no reason.
well, there is a reason - just being lonely.
and the worse i feel, the more pathetic i feel, and then i feel even worse.
vicious damn cycle.
and PLEASE do not give me sympathy. that just makes me feel ungrateful & stupid.