...smarkle...

'smile' - telepopmusik

developed (by complete spaced out chance) a new word last week...smarkle.
this word is combination of smile & sparkle....
it can be a noun or a verb, and it also has an adjective (smarkly)...

don't you love it when you make a new word? i feel all webster or oxford-like.
then i get visions of grandeur and think i can write a dictionary of misssinglish.
that's where the mental block comes in...

so, my dictionary has about 3 words:

charlotte (n.) a woman who is unintentionally being slutty

ear debunger (n.) those cotton things that you use - aka cotton buds

greeny (n.) an exclamation to be used when crossing the road when the little man changes colour

smarkle (have to admit that it's my favourite)

oh! that's 4 words - i am WAY more creative than i thought....not!
don't think they're all 100% mine, but am taking full claim for smarkle - that's mine.

But please please spread the smarkle love.....and if you have any new words that you want to donate to my 'dictionary of misssinglish' they're more than welcome....

...eighty...

'AOHARU YOUTH' - スーパーカー

my gran was 80 last week.
and what with everything that's being going on in the last month or so, i didn't send her anything.
felt bad - but then i spoke to her today.

she seemed so happy to hear me call, even though i had been crap (fair enough i did leave answer machine messages all over the place for her on her b'day - didn't know where she was though...)

anyway - we were chit-chatting about stuff & she asked me how the boy was.
man - that was hard. had a bit of a melt down & cried again.
and you know what? she was great. she never liked the boy. but she didn't say anything about it 'being for the best'.
she just said that, yes, it will be tough.
but it will get easier, and yes, there is someone better out there for me.
and she said that 31 is a good age - a fun age.

and when someone has been around for 80 years can say that, i know it must be good.

ah - family is good. they love me, even if i do miss their birthdays...

so, molly, i know you won't be reading this, but happy birthday!

lessons in my life

'a place called home' - pj harvey

so here i am.
life is not great, but it's not terrible either.

i'm learning how to be comfortable with me again.
i'm learning how to get through a day on my own with no phone calls & no plans.
i'm learning that it's really ok to rely on friends.
i'm learning that it's also ok to tell people, that 'no, i am not happy today'
i'm learning to be me again.

'me' had become part of an entity - 'the boy & me', but now half has gone.
somedays, it actually feels ok, but there are still dark days, where i feel like i have joined the dark side.

i've also had some mini-epiphanies...
i don't like being single.
i want to be loved & love someone.
i want to be cared for & care for someone.
and yes i do want kids someday .

it all seems a bit impossible right now, but i cannot let hope get away.

i refuse to be beaten. i refuse to sacrifice who i am.
i will survive.

i know i am going to have more 'darth days', but as long as i have 2 hands, i will reach out.