10 September, 2010

Summer Holiday Part 2 - The English Live Up To Their Stereotype

On our travels, we had a couple of moments where Kevin gleefully chuckled about English people living up to their (perhaps deserved) reputation of a nation of drunken fools.
I am very happy to report that none of my family members (except perhaps myself) fell into that group. And of course, not ALL English people in or out of England are Chavs, WAGs, drunks, hooligans. We did, however, have a few classic moments which i would like to share...

The first place was Croydon.
We went out to sample the night life there and visited a few pubs. More interesting than the pubs, however, was watching what the girls where wearing. At first, K was quite impressed when some young hotties dressed in (not very much) Lycra came (staggering) by. And then a few more hotties cam by in Lycra. And K decided that he liked Croydon. Then we realised that EVERYONE (female, that is. The men managed to show come kind of restraint when i came to Lycra) was wearing Lycra. Some people should NOT wear Lycra. Sadly no one had told these girls that they looked like tightly wrapped pre-packed sausages. With make up. And heels. This did put K off a bit & i think even he decided that Lycra isn't necessarily a good thing...

Later that evening, we were queuing up to get into a pub (later opening = bouncers & ID check on the door) As we were waiting there, a bouncer drags out a young skinny boy with blood all over him. And here is what went on next:
Bouncer: You're not coming back in; you're covered in blood.
Boy: But, mate...
Bouncer: No, you're covered in blood. You're NOT coming in.
Boy's testosterone kicks in
Boy: You F****R! LET ME IN!!!!
(Like the Bouncer will change his mind...)
Bouncer: (calmly) No, you're covered in blood.
Boy tries to hit bouncer without great success; Bouncer being twice the size & sober
Boy's Girlfriend: HIT 'IM!!! GO ON!
Boy tried to hit Bouncer again. He missed.
Bouncer: You are NOT coming in. You've got blood all over you.
Boy's Girlfriend: It's only 'cos he found out I was unfaithful (!!!!!)
Boy tried to hit Bouncer again; Bouncer gets Boy in headlock and removes him from the premises. While this was going on, Unfaithful Girlfriend was yelling, "Hit 'im!" repeatedly at the top of her voice... Classy couple!

The second 'English' event was in Salisbury, next to our campsite, which was right next to Salisbury race track. There wasn't any horse racing going on, but on the Saturday, a family had rented out the club/bar there for a wedding party.
When we headed out in the morning, around 10am, the first guests were arriving. When we got back, at around 8pm, the party appeared to be in full swing. We retired to our tent for a few quiet beers & some poker.
Then around midnight, we heard raised voices and people screaming at each other. So, K & I, being the nosey people we are, headed up to the racetrack to have a look at what was going on. There, hiding behind a tree, we had a great few of a wedding gone completely & utterly bad. Bouncers were dragging people out of the pub & handing them to Police who were dragging them off the Police van. Men were punching men, women were punching women, everybody was cursing everybody else & it was just a complete free-for-all.
The classic moment, though, was when the police were dragging off one man, a woman ran up & cursed the police for taking her man. And even tried to hit the police man. Then, a third man came running up after the woman and shouted, 'Sharon! Don't forget you have babies at home!'
Oh dear oh dear...

Ah, England!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm getting a bit sick of 'The English Part II' Where are you at with your life?