'mornington crescent' - belle & sebastian
in the (near) words of jimi, 'excuse me, while i rant & rave'....
i am tired. i am so VERY *fucking* tired.
i feel like i am a giant hamster on a giant treadmill, and just when i feel like i am finally running at the speed of the wheel, somebody ups the speed. and i have to run even frigging faster.
and, at the moment, it doesn't seem like ti's going to stop.
somebody said to me this morning that golden week is soon.
and i hadn't even realised. i am just trying to get through the week; make it to the weekend; survive the weekend; then survive another week.
one week at a time.
(cue dramatic self-horn blowing)
well, one of the reasons is that i'm good at what i do. now, usually, when you're good at something, you get rewarded. and, yeah, i have been rewarded in the usual ways.
but there's a a big downside to being good - people expect more & more from you.
right now, there's not enough staff so i am having to cover others.
but i still have my own work.
so i am working double. and so i am tired & worn out.
see? i can't even construct logical sentences anymore....and i feel a simmering bubble of rage welling up inside of me. tiredness & me are not a good pairing - i just get grumpy & angry. then it turns into self-rejection & doubt. then i cry.
and i am trying bloody hard to stave off all this negativity. but i'm *so* fucking tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what would be my ideal thing to help me through this difficult time?
someone to give a big cuddle, tell me they love me, and convince me that i am strong enough to get through these 2 weeks.
yeah, that's gonna happen.