19 April, 2007

>< random tirade ><


'mornington crescent' - belle & sebastian

in the (near) words of jimi, 'excuse me, while i rant & rave'....

i am tired. i am so VERY *fucking* tired.
i feel like i am a giant hamster on a giant treadmill, and just when i feel like i am finally running at the speed of the wheel, somebody ups the speed. and i have to run even frigging faster.
and, at the moment, it doesn't seem like ti's going to stop.

somebody said to me this morning that golden week is soon.
and i hadn't even realised. i am just trying to get through the week; make it to the weekend; survive the weekend; then survive another week.
one week at a time.

so, why?
(cue dramatic self-horn blowing)
well, one of the reasons is that i'm good at what i do. now, usually, when you're good at something, you get rewarded. and, yeah, i have been rewarded in the usual ways.
but there's a a big downside to being good - people expect more & more from you.
right now, there's not enough staff so i am having to cover others.
but i still have my own work.
so i am working double. and so i am tired & worn out.

see? i can't even construct logical sentences anymore....and i feel a simmering bubble of rage welling up inside of me. tiredness & me are not a good pairing - i just get grumpy & angry. then it turns into self-rejection & doubt. then i cry.
and i am trying bloody hard to stave off all this negativity. but i'm *so* fucking tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what would be my ideal thing to help me through this difficult time?
someone to give a big cuddle, tell me they love me, and convince me that i am strong enough to get through these 2 weeks.

yeah, that's gonna happen.

3 comments:

Martine said...

hey, me tooooooooooo. and the weather ain't helping. :(

sunday: earth festival at yoyogi? do you have time. it's my only day off. determined to have an amazing time.

i'm hugging you, loving you and know that you're stronger than just being able to get through the next 2 weeks! you can get through anything.

i can too.

j-ster said...

Im not overworked, but ive been rather down and stressed out lately, and yeah, i know ican get thru it but I would just love someone to sit next to me and give me a hug and a big cuddle while I do.

You guys should see if there are any free hugs available this year at the Earth Festival, and go get a few!

tanabata said...

Hope you get a chance to relax and recharge now that Golden Week's finally here. I've just tagged you for a fave restaurant meme if you're up to playing.