disclaimer

'staralfur' - sigur ros

was just having a look back at what i've been writing lately.

my god - what a depressing blog to read.
i seem to have got myself into a bad habit of writing only when i am in the depths of despair/loneliness/panic.

so, tonight, i want to tell you that it's not all bad.
there are a lot of very very wonderful things that have been happening lately.
sometimes they're hard to see, but they ARE there.

and i would like to list some of the wonderful things i am finding:

1) friends & kindness.
by far and away, the best thing i am finding is friendship.
people are being wonderful to me. from close friends, to people who don't even know me that well & have no need to be kind - it really has been an eye-opener.
of course i knew people were out there, i just didn't expect them to be so 'there' (or 'here')
so, to all of you - even if you've just invited me out to do things (and i've said no) - thank you.
and all the further away friends who have just sent e-mail hugs, thank you. i can feel them.
i really appreciate it.

2) the sky.
i've always liked the sky. i like how it changes & looks different everyday.
but recently i have been looking up more (avoiding looking at people, perhaps?)
tonight's picture is from by the tama river yesterday - sun beginning it's daily descent.
i can look at the sky and somehow feel more connected. connected to what - i don't know.
but i just don't feel as lost.

3) time.
sometimes this is a good thing - i have ALL my time to myself.
i can see who i like, when i like & not have to factor in 'boy time'.
on the other hand, there are downtimes, when i am kind of lost & alone here - BUT i can always pick up the phone (see number 1)

4) blue corn.
this is my regular bar in tsunashima. the regulars there are great, the staff are just the best & they have live music every week (mainly blues, with some folk)
it's proved to be a safe haven for me during the last few stormy weeks.

5) here.
in some bizarre way writing here has been therapeutic for me.
i hate to bother people with my troubles too much, so i mostly when i am feeling completely shitty i write here.
and i feel better for getting out. not cured, but better for the moment.

so thank you for reading. and listening & being here, there or wherever.

and finally, before i forget, some of you have been telling me how you can't put comments on here.
how i used to do it (before i got this blog) was to click the 'anonymous' button.
then you can skip the whole registration process.
just put your name inside the comment (so i know who you are - but if you prefer being anon, that's cool too!!)