1% of monster - mogwai
am feeling very out of sorts lately.
i feel disconnected, lost & disappointed.
i feel let down by a few people i have put my faith in.
no they haven't betrayed me or lied to me, but they have truly disappointed me.
i can't really write about the ins & outs of it all, because i might get myself into trouble.
but let me explain in a kind of round about way...
a lot of crap has happened in the past year, and i have been relying on a couple of ' safe places' to get me through it all.
one of them has turned out recently to be not as safe as i thought it was.
i have committed a lot of time & energy there, but i feel very very let down.
i am trying really hard to keep my motivation and be the best i can be, but it is proving hard.
when you don't feel valued - what IS the point?
and when you want to be heard but nobody really listens - what DO you do?
and when you shout and still nobody does anything - DO you stay?
that's one of the things that's been bothering me of late. it's starting to wear me out, but i really don't know where to turn.
so here i am.
and then the other things that is dragging me down is this whole single-flirtation thing.
how do you really know if the other person is interested, or just wants to play?
is there some secret code that i am not privy to? or is everyone stumbling around as blind as i am?
and do we settle, or do we wait until we get the one we really want?
it's been too damn long and i feel like i am the deep end of the pool trying to swim.
(and anyone who knows me well, will know that i am not happy when i am out of my depth...)
anyway - i am frustrated little girl who just wants to stamp her foot and say "it's NOT fair".
but that's not the really done thing for a 32 year old, is it?!
am feeling very out of sorts lately.
i feel disconnected, lost & disappointed.
i feel let down by a few people i have put my faith in.
no they haven't betrayed me or lied to me, but they have truly disappointed me.
i can't really write about the ins & outs of it all, because i might get myself into trouble.
but let me explain in a kind of round about way...
a lot of crap has happened in the past year, and i have been relying on a couple of ' safe places' to get me through it all.
one of them has turned out recently to be not as safe as i thought it was.
i have committed a lot of time & energy there, but i feel very very let down.
i am trying really hard to keep my motivation and be the best i can be, but it is proving hard.
when you don't feel valued - what IS the point?
and when you want to be heard but nobody really listens - what DO you do?
and when you shout and still nobody does anything - DO you stay?
that's one of the things that's been bothering me of late. it's starting to wear me out, but i really don't know where to turn.
so here i am.
and then the other things that is dragging me down is this whole single-flirtation thing.
how do you really know if the other person is interested, or just wants to play?
is there some secret code that i am not privy to? or is everyone stumbling around as blind as i am?
and do we settle, or do we wait until we get the one we really want?
it's been too damn long and i feel like i am the deep end of the pool trying to swim.
(and anyone who knows me well, will know that i am not happy when i am out of my depth...)
anyway - i am frustrated little girl who just wants to stamp her foot and say "it's NOT fair".
but that's not the really done thing for a 32 year old, is it?!
